i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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