If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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