Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
