There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
