the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize