Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
