I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
