Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
