first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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