didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
