yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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