she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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