His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
