Please, let me fuck your mom
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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