somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dick very happy bro
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
