I want to walk on stilts...naked
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
