worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
