Just fell off a train. Bad.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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