I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
