remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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