the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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