If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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