you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
