Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
