So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
