People in love make me want to vomit
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
