Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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