Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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