week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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