the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
