The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
