I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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