This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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