why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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