it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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