My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
