He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
