just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
