I just saw a hot homeless man
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
