Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
