we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
