Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
