Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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