I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
