She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
