TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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