my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's always time for handjobs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
