weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
