I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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