been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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