I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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