soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
