Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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