I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
