he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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