i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize