Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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