...so i touched it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I look better un-naked...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
