U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
