she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize