im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
