Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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