it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
