She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
