Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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