I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
