dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were trust falling into bushes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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