Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
