Buhtt sex?
it hurts more in the daytime
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Princesses don't give blow jobs
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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