its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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