So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize