My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
