I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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