wat bout pragnant strippers??
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
