She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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