You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
