He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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