If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
