Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
